don't be shy, I love making new friends <3

Had my senior pictures photoshoot done by Corryn, she did a great job as usual! :333
And I had SO much fun. We went all over the place, she knew tons of awesome places to shoot

I got to go in the water, it was such a nice day and it felt so cool, and the breeze was wonderful :D
But when I took off my skirt and changed into my dress, I left the skirt on top of Corryn's van and we drove all the way to the parking lot with it on the roof! HAHA

And then we went to a vintage store, where I tried on an awesome shirt,
and some belts, and snakeskin pants...I don't want to talk about those

LOL.

Anyway, I have had an awesome day!

p.s. - my mom altered one of her belts for me to wear. so now I have a super-cool spike belt that goes
with the shirt I got! yaaay!

I will post pictures whenever I find the card to my phone D: ehhh

When I hear honesty, I feel sorry for pretending to be someone else. It's just so easy to do what others want you to. Then you can blame other people for your mistakes.

But I know that truth will always be more important to me than acceptance.

So once again, I say, "I'm done". The door is open and 'myself' peels back, bare and honest.

...And most at home.

Pray for our troops. For our country. That we can rewire the machine. Or do away with it completely. Somehow...
Can you hope for hope? I think so.

EDIT:

But there is a real hope for us, you know.
Christ is the only answer to the problems of the world today,
and he's coming back. He said he would, and He never goes back
on his promises.

So I'm waiting.
And hoping just a little bit more than in the days before.

WHAAT? IT'S WEDNESDAY?



Here's my twenty-five. Six.

1. I love lip gloss
2. I put forks on the wrong side of the plate
3. I still don't know how to tie my shoes very well
4. I love the color green
5. I cry when I listen to music
6. Water, mint tea and apple juice are the best
7. I think the movie Alien is hot. It just is.
8. I have a stamp collection
(another one of my hobbies I started and forgot about)

9. I want to paint but I never do
10. I have imaginary conversations with people I know in my head

11. Right now I want to be a traveling musician. dun dun dun.
no, you can't change my mind.
12. I make sure to put my stuffed animals to bed every night
13. I write poetry to gather my scattered thoughts into something stark,
or maybe beautiful

14. I don't know if I ever want to be married
15. People laugh about how I'm bossy but with the people I care about,
I'm a big pushover

16. I act weird around guys
17. My favorite Yes song is "Heart of the Sunrise"
18. My tortoise is cool because he knows when I'm upset.
And he only talks back in hisses

19. I find it hard to be honest about my feelings
unless I am putting them in music or writing

20. I have never met anyone as beautiful as a night sky full of stars
21. I really look up to my cousin Brokk even though we don't talk anymore.
I think of him as a brother

22. Bento lunch is so cute! I think I will live off of ramen, veggies and chicken onigiri when I move out

23. I won't go along if I think what you're doing is wrong.
I will break all the rules if I need to

24. I don't have to be smarter than you to know my rights as an American and see when they are being taken away

25. Jesus Christ is the most important person in my life. He makes my life worth living. Because of his sacrifice I know that although I'm jacked up I still have something left to give. I'm valuable because He told me so.

We need to talk about it, because this gift is for everyone!

26. I want a pet moose. The end.

Well, I got tagged on Facebook to write 25 things about myself.
So in case you feel like wasting time, I will post it here later. Haha.

For now, a picture I liked. It's called "Naturaleza Muerta".



I think it was from DeviantArt? It's by a user named "heart_eater".

I want to post another poem. But I submitted it for a scholarship.
Scholastic owns my thoughts now :D

Please pray that I win something

I need the money to go to college and accomplish my dream of becoming a musician
and knowing more theory (and gettin' learned in general) would really help me become better at doing what I love.

that is all.

goodnight everyone...



And I made a sign for Tomo. But the more I stare at this picture, the dumber I look.
It's not exactly in my character to send a fansign - but I spent so long photoshopping it,
I thought I'd share anyway. Oh well.

Besides, if I didn't post a picture, you wouldn't be reading this. Isn't that the way it works with blogs?

thing number 14? 13? oh, who cares. :D

hanging out with Corryn at the riverwalk! We spent so long just talking and walking,
and having a great time. I hope I didn't talk too much. oh well. I always talk too much.
that's what makes me entertaining, right?

or as my sister says: "if you weren't a brat, you wouldn't be you!"
it's true. she said that when I apologized for my brattiness. o_o;
and in the nicest way too...

BUT anyway, I had an awesome, most triumphant time hanging out with her!
she is such a talented and cool person. she has a gift for photography.

her flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/risefromobscurity/
and website: www.corrynphotography.com/

and here is something my mom and I saw on the way home:
I can't believe Corryn and I missed it, haha!




BEST THING EVAR!!!

so the thirteenth thing that made me happy today:
playing rock band 2 with my sister
not going to bed until eight in the morning. it's fun, you should try it
finding a pico in my dad's closet
bananas in pyjamas (I will post a video, because you need to see it)
i wanna play more fable 2! I miss it already!
eating chocolate chip cookies and getting a sinus headache. yay allergies! i don't care!
i didn't go outside today though :[ this makes me sad.

anyhoo, here are the Christmas pictures I promised :3.(friend me to see the first post)

all our christmas loot.



ariel and my bento boxes :D

a bento my mom made me, before we had boxes.
(ingredients: sesame seed noodles, plain onigiri, green beans/veggies, black bean burgers)



moar Christmas morning:





aww, my sister mom and I :D



getting my dress belt and dobuk :DDD LYK WOAHH
haha, classic. que sorpresa!

i am gonna keep posting stuff that made me happy, because I want to.
the ninth thing THAT TOTALLY MADE MY DAY, not my DAD (worst typo in the history of typos, yay chat)

THIS IS A NEW DAY AT TWO IN THE MORNING FULL OF WONDER AND EXCITEMENT.THANK YOU TEPPEI AND WENTZ IN PINK AND BABY BLUE SHINY JUMPSUITS

sixth thing:

sees candy and an ipod gift card from my aunt,
dance dance revolution, with Ariel, with weights on our feet --
running like crazies outside and playing jump rope,
getting so gross and sweaty that my parents were laughing about it,

I think running around and being crazy until you're dripping sweat
and you stink is not gross,
it's INCREDIBLY fun
and one of the best things in life ever.

oh, and here are pictures from the Turnbulls' Christmas party when Brianna was showing me how to use my phone because I am lame :B

   

seventh:

Chinese for dinner! I ate my fortune cookie and threw the fortune away by accident. D'oh
3 movies rented: Kung Fu Panda, Wall-E, and the Dark Knight WOOYEAH
I wanna go outside.
outside is beautiful
I sat on the screen porch today
but I wanna feel the grass underneath my feet,
and see the trees and hear them swooshing all around me
(edit: I did go outside. it was dark, cold and windy and beautiful.)

oh, and for kicks: if MY HAIR WAS A BK VK KID. MIRAMIRA

microsoft photo editor/paint addiction? wat u talkin bout?
p.s. -  I have photoshop CS2. so you know, I can stop anytime I want.

roru.

I thought I missed a day and I didn't.
But let me restate,

Grace Ann is one of the coolest people ever. :)
We had tea, and mom made muffins, and we talked for hours.
And she bought me a new scarf for Christmas!

HERE IS PICTURES (ignore random stuff in 1st one and the fact that I'm standing on the tub) oh, and my dress is blue -not visible-

 

the fifth thing. s. :

having a gingerbread latte and cinnamon twists with mom at target,
buying Christmas presents for dad,
getting a new pair of skinny jeans!
visiting the mecca of shoes, DSW. lovelovelove<3
exchanging my pair of black pumps that don't fit for two new pairs of shoes:
shiny red wedges with reallyhighheels that make me feel tall(er)
and off-white pumps that actually match with my skin tone. because I am that pale. PALE AS DEATH.
and I am happy with it too.

well, I missed a day, so I'll have to condense.

the third day:

when your head hurts, your foot stops hurting.
I think it works the same way with our hearts.

the fourth day:

having a friend I can rely on.

to clarify, I am writing eight things that made me happy.
thank you Kappy-san. haha

down to the heart where my scars have been
i'll draw you up and i'll bury you again
down to the seven hells within
i'll bury you where it's dark and no one can hear

deep down in the charcoal soil
where praise is a thief and wounds are loyal
i'll bury you below my dear.

i'll draw you up on your empty words
on compliments and hidden glances
on strategy and failed advances

i'll find out what you're all about
i'll choke on you and spit you out
vomit up your variables
all smiles and inconsistency

could you say what you mean?
                                               but you won't,
                                               and so I'll bury you again.

deep down underneath my festering skin
because there's nowhere to end
when there's nowhere to begin.

so I'll do as I always have
four years is too long to wait
to cover and to take the bait
i'll bury you so deep that they'll never find you.

not with your words, or your eyes, or your warmth.
i'll bury you somewhere cold,
where your words can't reach you

and surface long enough to make you a part of me.

but who am I kidding?
you've already won
even as you're swatting down this web you've spun.

I swear, someday,
i'll spit you out.

Arrgh.

((profound))

I just got home from a lovely wedding.

It was outside, on a golf course. Simple, but elegant and beautiful.

The bride and groom were so happy, and it seems to me, people deserving of happiness.

I'm a sentimental person. I laughed and cried. I was sweating in the afternoon heat, but I didn't mind it.

Because somehow, I believe everything that was said. I believe the words in those blessings and those vows, and I believe they can be made real by the way we live.

Maybe I'm a fool, but I believe in love that lasts. 
 

This article.

http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlykids/curly-teen-scene-disney-princesses

It says everything I'm trying to say.

 

Is not always what you get.

I've learned that society bases its perception of beauty on a commercial scam.

It's about what sells. It's about selling yourself.

When I was a little girl, I was taught through pictures.

I viewed countless images of girls who all looked the same, all that identical image, the eluding combination that produces "beautiful".
I couldn't help but notice that I was different.

In first and second grade, I tried to gain the acceptance
of children who were older than me.

They didn't like me.

I was the kid with the pale skin and wild curly hair. They admired the girl with the tan skin, straight hair and tiny nose.

In third grade, I was measured up to other girls in a "beauty contest", where many of us were told that we were not good enough to win.

We were told how to look and what brands to buy, and how to decorate our room, by a girl who got her information from a magazine. She was just as insecure.

In fourth and fifth grade, I was outright told that I did not measure up,
by girls who were desparately trying to be good enough.

In sixth grade, I withdrew.

Why does every little girl wish she was a pop idol, or a model? Why not a great mother? Or a doctor? Or a musician who's respected mainly for her music, not her looks and her clothes?

It's about ingrained prejudice. Lies with deep roots.
It's about survival. It's about acceptance.

From a young age, we are taught to be "commercial". To fit an image that sells.

The problem is that we were not made to sell anything, not even ourselves. We are real people who are starving for unconditional acceptance. We are normal people who want real relationships, who want to be loved just for being ourselves; for who we are, and not for the state of our bodies.

The very thing that was designed to attract us ensnares us. We spend more and more time, more and more money, for something transient, something unattainable, to win a race with no finish and no resolve.

It's that thing that tells me my nose is too big, my hair is too curly, my skin is too white, my eyes are too small, my stomach isn't toned enough.


I can't say I don't care. But I can say that I want to be free.